Monday, October 18, 2004

I wish capes would come back in fashion.

When's the last time it was acceptable for a guy to wear a cape? 19th century Italy? Whenever it was, the cape has been unfairly gathering dust in history's Salvation Army pile, treated like the powdered wig or the monacle. In fact, it is among the most dashing and heroic articles of clothing around. Thinking about it, I really wish someone would bring back the cape for men. Donning a cape, you'll feel like a cross between Napolean and Superman. Imagine how cool you'll feel when your cape flows in the wind. Or indulge in the stylistic flair of pulling your cape back, like a modern day Count Dracula.

Consider the other benefits:

* You can discreetly scratch your private areas when the cape drapes down over your body.

* You can chivalrically lay the cape over a puddle of water for your date to walk across.

* It can double as a pancho in case of unexpected rain.

* Tired of being decked out in the same striped button down worn by every other trendoid? No one's gonna mistake you -- a cool cape wearing fool -- for that tool spilling his beer on the dance floor.

* You can use it as a blanket at the movie theater to give your date more freedom to roam his/her hands around your lap.

* Using the bulletproof cloth Batman uses, you can block stray bullets if you're in a war zone or in a dangerous urban environs.

* A burgundy cape will add a dash of Bavarian flamboyance to the standard white shirt dark slacks.

* A teal cape and matching boots -- a Nineteenth century European officer look, if you're looking for military chic -- beats the bejeesus off the idiotic camouflage cap and pants explosion of 2002.

When the cape comes back in fashion, I will be a prime mover.